Indian culture is known for respecting our parents(elders) and taking care of them unlike western culture or is it really???
We compare our caring to the west and complain about how kids abandon their parents and send them over to old age homes to be taken care of by someone else. Are we any better in taking care of our own parents? I see striking examples in my own vicinity. One of my friend decided to move back to India for the reason of looking after his parents along with other reasons but that was one of them if I remember properly. In fact he thinks twice now to take a traveling job because he worries who will take care of them while he is away.... such a loving, caring son he is!
Then I have someone in my own family (my doddamma) who is probably fed up looking after my grandfather that they start worrying about Rs. 800 spent on an MRI when they are making Lacs... doddamma has two siblings who are worried of opening their mouth to voice their opinion because they haven't taken the responsibility of taking care of their father (not because they couldn't but because of where they ended up after marriage).... now do kids lose value, interest in parents if they keep seeing them day in day out?? is that even acceptable??
My grand father has been having issues with his health off late (he is 94 btw).... and up until now he has not even needed glasses. He even had his own house in which he lived in a small room renting the remaining part of the house but was forced by my doddamma and family to sell it and come and stay with them so that they could look after him - this decision he regrets every day now. His eyesight has reduced otherwise he was regularly going on his evening walks, attending musical concerts. He's not a big fuss at home either. All he keeps complaining these days is about his body that he says he feels swaying.. now my doddamma is a doc and owns a hospital. Why is it difficult to get the best treatment for your own father???? agreed my doddappa is not all that well either because of which my doddamma might be under stress and tension these days - but that is NO reason to treat your own father in that way... meanwhile her own FIL got royal treatment in his old days, a drive to the park, a walk, medicines on time, food on time and so on...
All my grand father is asking for some basic things in life... and this is what he gets!!! I spoke to my cousin who mentioned he might be having a nerve condition which might need a look from a Neurologist - I mentioned this to my doddamma after which they considered doing it and found out my grand father was not receiving enough blood flow to the brain (old age problems).... and now has been put on medication..
Now for this purpose why should one keep their parents at home? I think the western concept of making arrangements for their stay at an old age is much better where they meet people of their own age and spend their last days smiling! and at least they visit them at their new place every once in a while....
I have been very upset with all this from last night and wanted to vent it out... I have always seen my grand father smiling - such a jovial person, such a gem who has brought up his three daughters in such tough times who are all well settled and now during his last days - this is the treatment he gets!!! It stings me.... the more I think about it tears trickle down my eyes...
For the time being I have told my mom to discuss with my doddamma about this and see what better things can be done.... but it hurts.... it really hurts.... i hate seeing someone whom I love leave this world without a smile..........
1 comment:
Whilst it is none of my business to comment on your family matters, I will make a generic point: life is not fair and it neer will be.
Honestly, I don not see any problem in the western way of life. Definetely, a fat retirement package helps. Even otherwise, it makes sense to be 'planned' for your old age in case things go awry with teh original Indian way of off-springs looking after the elders. Families are becoming more nuclear in modern India and join-family concept is long gone with our generation.
It makes sense to be prepared for old age and have enough mopney/security in place so as to not be a burden on the younger lot. It is complicated. But it is still the way it is. Be prepared to cop it if you are not prepared to be on your own in your old age.
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